Charcoal Drawing

I'll admit it - this has been a tough week for me. I feel stuck for some reason, and I know it's the restless artist in me that is not being creative or challenged enough. I have to admit also that I was freaking out after going to art school and then getting a job that I go to every day that couldn't be farther from art. So I went to Blick on my day off yesterday to buy a pack of charcoal pencils.

I needed to draw. I thought I'd go through some old pictures I took in Italy and make a sketch of something. But after several years of figure drawing and portraiture, I needed to draw a face. And who better than my grandfather, who passed away last September.

I have a couple photos of him that I keep in my shelf along with one of his hats. I saw it and knew I had to draw it. I'm about 2 years old in this picture on Papa's lap, him pointing at the camera for me to look at and smile at the bottom. I have to admit I was a little scared as well - what if after all this time I couldn't do the one thing that I loved so much in this world? What if I couldn't give Papa what it was that made him so special?

You can check out the photo and the drawing and see for yourself. I am so happy with the way it came out - and I have to say, it really was like riding a bike. After the first few lines of suggesting the forms, I got right back into it. I sketched out all of the forms, became obsessed with the shadows. This is what I had gone to school for. This is what I had taken loans against to develop: there's no question in my mind at all that I truly followed my passion. Now I just have to reconcile it with my everyday - if that means squeezing in drawing between my calligraphy jobs, work, and the gym, so be it.

I guess that's all we can really do in life: find what it is that makes us happy, then follow through.